It’s No Dream of Mine To Watch Dreams Die on the Vine

When I was young I thought
That I’d remember everything that I’d been taught
Now its clear that I never learned anything
‘Cause I come up empty
When it comes to you dear
So let’s talk about just how it’s gonna be
Forget the love
And just bring the happy
And I’ve got a sneaking feeling about you
Such as you’ve got other, better things to do

“Faded Dress” – Kay Hanley

A moderate amount of research has indicated that, while we can afford the home we want in the place we want to live, what we can’t afford is to sell the house we’re living in right now. Something about a 34% drop in housing value in the area and blah blah blah blah.
Phooey.
So, I guess we get to spend some more quality years with the ghetto geese and crackheads and the crazy lady that craps on my garage door. Time to start focusing on the good things (ie we love our house, there is stuff nearby, and we’re right next to a fabulous park) and stop focusing on the dead bodies and gangsta bullshit that permeates every aspect of the neighborhood. Not my strong suit, thinking positive, but the nice lady with the letters after her name is helping me break some patterns/habits and metaphorically speaking helping me to “take a different route home”
She’s nice.
DCC got back from China late Friday night, and it was really good to have her home again. She came bearing (many)gifts and (many) stories and (many many) pictures. She has promised to write a blog post (or posts) about her travels and post them here with many cool pictures, so yeah, keep an eye out for that.
Since she hadn’t slept in 36 hours upon her return, she went through a bit of a manic phase from the time I picked her up at the airport on Friday night well into Saturday morning (very word-talky) Then she proceeded to crash for the next couple of days. Needless to say, it was a low key weekend, and she appears to be none the worse for wear from jet lag and 10 days of hectic touring. Since she was sick of Chinese food, I made sure she had a lot of good American fare this weekend: Steak, ribs and huevos rancheros and…well, mostly American fare. And lots of stuff that you can dip nacho chips in.
Yes indeedy.

Before the embarrassment known as the Bears game occurred on Sunday, I was watching what I now refer to as “The Greatest Movie Ever Made”, an old Gene Autry flick called “Man From Music Mountain” I turned it on just in time to catch him singing a number in a beauty parlor about how cowboys should take care of their skin, so the ladies will want to touch you. That’s right! Gene Autry was the first metrosexual cowboy! I’m telling you, the man was way ahead of his time.

Then the Bears game came on and ruined everything (But let’s not speak of that, shall we?)

I think I’m out of things to talk about now. And what do you care anyways? Soupy Sales is dead, people!! DEAD!!

Shuffleuffagus Modeoluffagus

“When I Paint My Masterpiece” – The Band
“Competition Smile” – Gin Blossoms
“Oh My God, Whatever, Etc.” – Ryan Adams
“Summer Scarves” - Butch Walker
“Working in a Coal Mine” – Devo
“Whenever You’re On My Mind” – Marshall Crenshaw
“Ghost Town” – Cheap Trick
“Coffee” – Copeland
“Turned To Real Life” – Shiny Toy Guns
“Snow” – Innocence Mission (Too gloomy, skip)
“The Beginning is the End is the Beginning” – Smashing Pumpkins
“Crazy” – Gnarls Barkley
“Where Does The Time Go?” – Innocence Mission
“Far Away From Close” – Butch Walker
“Silence” – Jorane (Skip)
“Eye on You” – Billy Squier (Obey!)
“He Came to Meet Me” – Hem
“Career Day” – The Format (This one is coming up a lot lately, skip)
“Ain’t Even Done With The Night” – John Cougar (Mellencamp)
“Greensleeves” – Kenny Burrell (No saxophones!)
“Overjoyed” – Stevie Wonder (Not today, skip)
“After the Gold Rush” – Michael Hedges
“Letter to Brittania” – Ian Hunter
“Seeing Stars” – Gin Blossoms
“So Tired” – Slowdive (Not an early morning kind of song, if you’re trying to stay awake, that is…skip)
“Hex” – Neko Case (Seriously Neko, call me)
“All Mixed Up” – Red House Painters
“Wait” – Alexi Murdoch (Sort of addicted to this song lately)

Spectrum Rises Again

How you gonna live at 40?
How you gonna live it down?
How you gonna live at 40?
Whatcha gonna tell your kids?

“Heavy Metal Bakesale” – Local H

Thanks to BT, we now have video evidence of the Spectrum reunion which took place at Budokan in my basement earlier this month. Rock on!



This is not too shabby considering the fact that half the band hasn’t touched an instrument in the better part of a decade or two, our practice consisted of one or two run throughs of each song, and the keyboard player was replaced by a fat beagle.
It didn’t hurt that:

1) We’re all devilishly handsome
2) The dog has some real stage presence
3) BT and I are seasoned Rock veterans who are used to carrying the weight for less experienced (And often less talented) people.
4) It was more fun than a bike ride with Jesus to hang out with my friends and play music together after all of these years. I really truly love these guys and would do just about anything for their fucking asses.
5) I am wearing slippers. What a sexy sexy man.

Special thanks to CMD for the camera work, and to BT for the post-production magic.
Spectrum was the first band that any of us was in, in fact, Spectrum was formed (1982? Or was it 1983?) before any of us even knew how to play any instruments (Usually people learn to play before forming a band…Pussies!) I was actually a late addition, having moved away to Arizona, they formed the band while I was gone, but when I returned I was invited to join insinuated/bullied/invited myself in, and the rest is history. We played such venues as the YMCA (A girl scout slumber party, bitches!) some sweet sixteen party(s?) and the keyboardist’s mom’s wedding reception (A hallmark gig because it sucked. We played in 30-40 degree weather outdoors, couldn’t feel our fingers and sounded like ass, and as a very special added bonus, my girlfriend Lisa Piazza dumped me at the end of the night. God. Damn. It.)
Anyways, I hope you enjoy the video, and if you don’t that’s alright too, but you can go fuck yourself…

DCC gets home from China tonight, and it will be good to have her back. Especially since I never did much of anything while she was gone that I couldn’t do while she was here, and the dog was a pouty little pill while she was gone. Fucker. Some people think that it’s odd that we often travel without each other, but you know, there’s something to be said for having time apart and allowing yourselves to really miss each other. The only downside is that now that she’s back, I’ll have to surrender half of the bed and the mountain of pillows that I annexed while she was gone. Maybe a prisoner exchange will be in order.

Unsexy Amendment: I did get to go out for dinner with a pretty lady last night. I wish I could make it sound more salacious that that for you savages, but the pretty lady was my cousin, so it wasn’t salacious material. Sorry.

I had the Penne Bolognese. It was delicious.

Shuffle Mode was confusing, and I ended up skipping a lot of stuff, so fuck it. Besides, I’m tired of typing.

Replace The Small Disgraces Of The Times and Places That I Never Really Left*

Her royal gown is a satin dress
That’s stained and slightly torn
And her sparkling jewels are rhinestones
And her shoes are scuffed and worn
From the many roads she’s traveled
And the wondrous sights she’s seen
And I watch her, and I pray
God save the Queen

She’s the Queen of the Silver Dollar
And she rules this smoky kingdom
And her scepter is a wineglass
And a barstool is her throne
And the jesters flock around her
And fight to win her favor
And see which one will take the Queen
Of the Silver Dollar home

“Queen of the Silver Dollar” – Dr. Hook (Written by Shel Silverstein)

Is it Wednesday already? Really? Wow, this week is flying by. DCC is wrapping up her China trip and will be home Friday evening, so I am running out of time to debauch it up and act a fool. Looking at my calendar though, and my next mid-life crisis isn’t scheduled until 2011 or early 2012, so anything involving floozies or sports cars is off the table for the time being (The nice lady with a lot of letters after her name says I can actually postpone all that indefinitely, but we might just keep it on the calendar in pencil, ifyaknowhatI mean *smarmy wink*)
Where was I? Oh yeah, DCC will be back on Friday. Thus far, the extent of my decadence has involved eating poorly prepared man-food and playing with my new phone for hours on end. Lord knows why I needed a (insert ridiculous number) dollar phone, because no one calls me (Or more accurately, I do not answer when people call me) and the extent of my text messaging is generally 20 perjoratives a day back and forth with Brandon, but once I beheld the loverly MyTouch 3G siren in all her glory in front of me I said “IwantIwantIwantIwant!” and the rest is fucking history people. HISTORY. Besides, now I can send BT messages that look like this, thanks to fancy pants apps:
And that, my friends, makes it worth every penny.


Shahffle Mahdd This Mahning

“The Wrong Year” – Kay Hanley
“Fool in the Photograph” – Sunny Day Real Estate
“Lucky Number” – Lene Lovich
“Queen of the Silver Dollar” – Dr. Hook
“North Dakota” – Lyle Lovett
“Sorry” – Guns N’ Roses
“Back Where You Belong” - .38 Special
“Central Reservation” – Beth Orton
“Her Town Too” – James Taylor (skip)
“Always Something There To Remind Me” – Butch Walker
“A Sort of Homecoming” – U2
“Swan Dive” – Gloritone (Kick ass!!)
“You Thought” – The Go-Gos

* From “Tomorrow on the Runway” by The Innocence Mission

Sexy Update: Real message from DCC in China: "I'm sick of Chinese food!"

I can't make shit like this up.

My Wily Wet-n-Wild Wanton Weekend

Sap is rising in the trees

And I will fall upon my knees

'cause the songbird tells me as she sings

Machines will not make sweeter dreams

...

"Sleep Like A Baby" - Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers

Here is a list of the most exciting things I did this weekend:

1) Watched “The Dark Knight” and drank champagne til I passed out.
2) Jammed with Royce and Mike
3) Bought a new phone (A MyTouch. I’m in love)
4) Got my ass kicked yet again in fantasy hockey.
5) Went to see the nice lady with a lot of letters after her name (She tells me that I am not half as fucked up as I think I am, but I’m still pretty fucked up)
6) Went to Trader Joe’s
7) Ate a decadent bacon cheeseburger at Five Guys
8) Locked my spikey iron gate, turned off my porchlight and ignored trick or treaters. Needy little bastards.

These are all things I could actually do when DCC is home, so as far as being a wild bachelor weekend, I came up lame, but really, what the fuck. I thought I might go hit the bars and whoop it up a little (Something I could actually do when DCC is home as well) but found myself lacking the motivation on Friday, and on Saturday, didn’t want to deal with the Halloween revelers, and fuck no, I was not going to put on a costume and go to a party. I am not a put on a costume kind of guy, thankyouverymuch.
I was a bit of a wanton consumer though. I won’t tell you how much I spent on the new phone and some Chicago sports apparel, but I will tell you that it was too goddamn much, and I don’t feel awful about it either, so hooray for me.
I also bought Tegan and Sara’s new record as well as the latest Cheap Trick (Aptly titled “The Latest”) and have to say, I’ve found the new T & S to be a real disappointment (At least on first listen) I’m just not hearing anything that grabs me on this one. On the other hand, I was pleasantly surprised by the Cheap Trick disc. Lots of really good stuff on it. I haven’t listened to it enough yet to have any clear cut favorites, but “Closer, The Ballad of Burt and Linda” is one I’ve re-visited a couple of times, and the rest of it has a lot of promise.
I also bought a better copy of Iron Maiden’s “Flight of Icarus” because it occurred to me that it’s an awesome song and my (pirated via Napster circa 2000)copy sucked.
What else did I do? Hmm..I cooked lamb and it came out, umm, badly lets just say.
I spent some quality time with the mopey beagle (He misses his mommy, and has been a real sulk-oppatamus about it this week) neither of us was motivated enough for walkies, so we did the next best thing, which we call sitting on the couchies.
I also did laundry (Everything in one load! Boosh!! DCC’s head would explode if she saw it, so I guess there was at least one thing I did this weekend that I couldn’t do when she was around) and spent faaaaar too much time playing with my new phone.
And now I’m back to work, and I have a fucking hangover. I haven’t had a hangover at work in ages. That’ll teach me to watch “The Dark Knight” and drink champagne til I pass out on a work night.

Fuck.

Shuffle mode sucked today. Let’s not revisit it.

Day Two of Bachelorhood

Because a kiss on the lips
Is better than a knife in the back

“Koo Koo” – Sheila E

Day Two of Bachelorhood was so exciting and crazy that I just had to share it with you.

(Ready? Are you sure? Okay, strap in, here we go! Wheeeeee!!!!!)

Wake up (late)
Let dog out. Give him pills hidden in cheese. Feed him.
Get ready. Go to work (late)
Work. Work. Work.
Drive home in shitty traffic. Talk on phone with CMD for as much of drive as possible to avert road-rage.
Arrive home. No dog mess. Woo-hoo!!
Mull dinner options. Go buy booze. Go back to mulling dinner options. Realize I have to make adjustments to my (Totally awesome) Fantasy Hockey team (The Goose Island Wiggers) Make tweaks before games start. Nod in satisfaction at what will surely be a championship team.
Make some Chicken chili concoction that in my head sounds like the most delicious use of leftovers ever, allow to simmer for a while. Open a beer (Magic Hat #9)
Watch some hockey. Notice Hawks are sucking. Change channel to World Series. Notice I don’t give a shit about either team.
Open another beer (Goose Island Honkers Ale)
Change channel back to Hawks game.
Serve myself a bowl of chicken chili concoction. Take a bite. Make a face.
Take a big whiff of chicken chili concoction. Make another face.
Put bowl of chicken chili concoction down for dog to eat.
Throw out remaining chicken chili concoction. Eat chips and salsa for dinner.
Open another beer (Sierra Nevada Pale Ale)
Download free version of Audacity so I can make all kinds of backwards loopy effects when I record. Will probably never use it, but I want I want I want.
Send emails. Watch the Red Wings suck. Send more emails.
Open another beer (Magic Hat #9) Watch the Red Wings stop sucking.
Retire to bedroom to watch TV. Get dog situated. Watch rest of Wings game (Loss in shootout, damn)
Try to watch “The Lucky Ones”, realize about a half hour in that its boring and not even the presence of my beloved Rachel McAdams can make it stop sucking.
Briefly entertain the notion of watching “Observe and Report” again because it was so god damned awesome. Look at clock, realize is an hour later than I wanted to get to sleep.
Curse the heavens above.
Let the dog out for one last potty break. Argue with him over whether he’s earned a treat or not (He wins argument)
Settle back into bed. Realize my wife is on a plane to China. For 13.5 hours. Worry a little about her, but not too much. After all, she’s a seasoned world traveler.
Proceed to hog all of the pillows (While laughing diabolically) Cannot hog bed because beagle is better at it than me (see picture above)
Drift off to sleep, dreaming of Colbie Caillat singing me off to slumberland, as she strokes my hair.
Wake up, startled, realizing that the dog was licking my hair.
Wake up, startled, and realize the dog licking the hair was a dream too.
Try to get back to the Colbie Caillat portion of the dream. Fail. End up dreaming of Chelsea Handler (naked) berating me for being lousy in the sack (But still sleeping with me) as I drift off into a peaceful, gunfire-free sleep, enjoying the cool breeze from the open window and the sound of the rain.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Todays Shuflly Wuffly (With a backward bent)

“Used to Love Her” – Guns N’ Roses
“Drying Out” – Pinetop Seven
“Natural Ghost” – Ryan Adams (Skip)
“Dead To Me Now” – The Good Leads (Fuck yeah!!)
“Come Closer” – My Morning Jacket
“Ponce de Leon Avenue” – Butch Walker
“Bitter Taste” – Last Days of April
“Sixteen Days” – Whiskeytown
“Close To Me” – The Cure
“Tell Her This” – Del Amitri (Skip. I really need to clean off my iPod)
“Zia” – A Band of Bees
“Wicky Wacky” – Terence Trent D’Arby
“Carry You” – The Fire Theft
“Everything Reminds Me of Her” – Elliot Smith
“In Love” – Ben Folds feat. William Shatner
“You Are The Sunshine of My Life” – Stevie Wonder
“Love Story” – Taylor Swift (Yeah, I like it. So what?)
“21 Guns” – Green Day

Spinning Jenny

Once in a while I’ll listen to one of my songs and say “Holy shit, I can’t believe I wrote that!” Sometimes I mean it in a good way, sometimes in a bad way. Either way, most of the validation I get when it comes to music comes from myself, since you’re all a bunch of ungrateful savages who are not worthy of the musical gifts I bestow upon you.
But I digress.
On my way into work this morning, “Spinning Jenny” came up on Shuffle Mode and I said to myself “God damn, that is a great fucking song”
It’s been around for over 10 years, and I never get tired of it.
I believe I also said something to the effect of “God damn, that guitar solo is awesome. Why haven’t I been dipped in bronze and enshrined at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame yet?” And the answer is, its all your fault. I don’t know why or how exactly, but there can be no other explanation for genius such as mine wallowing unacknowledged in a sea of obscurity. So there you have it. You all have to work harder to make me successful, because if you don’t do it, no one will.
Anyways, I love the song so god damned much that I will now share it with you, because I am kind and benevolent. Kind of like Jesus. Except he had better hair, and could grow a full beard.
Seriously, this song still gets to me, I wrote it about a very real, very troubled young lady, who set off every “rescue” trigger inside of me. Funny thing was, in a rare moment of self awareness, I realized she neither wanted, nor needed rescuing (At least not from me) Hence the third verse.
Jesus, just listen to the fucking song already.

DOWNLOAD “SPINNING JENNY” HERE YOU UNGRATEFUL SAVAGES

Sometimes when she’s alone
She’ll pretend that she is flying
And she smiles for everyone
But inside she thinks she’s dying
And she’ll drink today and not be scared
How things turn out tomorrow
And she’ll give herself to anyone
Who will take away this sorrow

And all the little boys line up
To take her for a ride
Jenny’s always spinning
Jenny’s always spinning
Jenny’s always spinning
In her mind

Sometimes I see her look at me
Sometimes she’ll even smile
And she’s always got a place to be
If only for a little while

With eyes of blue and skies of blue
And lips like cherry wine
Jenny’s always spinning
Jenny’s always spinning
Jenny’s always spinning
In my mind

Arms outstretched, she’s dancing to
The music in her head
She’d sooner be forgetting all
The boys who’ve shared her bed

She’ll run away and not be scared
What consequences follow
The last thing that girl needs is one more
Bitter pill to swallow

(Awesome guitar solo)

Well I wish that I could give her back
What the others took away
But I think it might be something that
She’d given freely anyways

‘cause I’ve never seen her mourning
Anything she left behind
Jenny’s always spinning
Jenny’s always spinning
Jenny’s always spinning
In our minds

(Eyes to the) East Of Us

I count to ten
You’ve got your reasons
I’ve got my reasons for bailing out
I’m not your mom
I’m a fucking A-Bomb
And its poisonous inside my happy house
Forget it, I don’t play along
You’re right that I am always wrong
I’m not sure I know anything anymore

“Lullaby Lucky” – Kay Hanley

Has it really been five years since we left Arizona? Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago, sometimes it feels like yesterday.
When DCC and I bought our house in Humboldt Park 4 ½ years ago, we were still pretty unfamiliar with our new hometown of Chicago. We’d had little opportunity up to that point to explore the neighborhoods and learn the lay of the land, and the communities we were in love with? Well, we couldn’t afford a single family home in them (A necessity for this 2 dog family) so we went with what we could afford in this “up and coming” neighborhood. We have relatively few regrets, considering the amount of thought/planning we put into it (none) and considering the insanity that seems to occur around us in HP, we’ve emerged relatively unscathed (Aside from a stolen bike and the occasional crap someone takes on my garage door) Still, we want more from our neighborhood than mere potential. We’re tired of waiting for the up and comer to arrive, and if all the indicators are correct, by the time it does arrive, we’ll be too old to give a fuck about cool bars/restaurants and boutiques, and/or personal health/safety and/or access to the best parts of Chicago, so we’ve been talking about moving, which involves a lot of debate. Which neighborhood(s) do we want to move to? What are we looking for in a neighborhood? What can we afford? Condo, townhome, or house? Suburbs or city (This is kind of a no-brainer, as the ‘burbs only look good when I am pounding my forehead against the steering wheel while trapped in gridlock. Fuck the ‘burbs) Some of the communities we are still in love with are still out of our price range, but our situation has improved somewhat, and we have since discovered new neighborhoods to love, which led to us having a running “Top 5 neighborhoods we want to live in” list.
Well, this weekend, I think we found the one we really really want, and by “we” I mean “I” because DCC has known about it for a while, and I believe has mentioned it in our discussions, but I didn’t have much (any) firsthand experience there. She had a hair appointment down in the West Loop on Saturday morning and she invited me to come along and wander about while she got her hair done, and we could grab lunch afterwards. Sounded good to me, and so I did, and you know what?I love it down there. It has everything we would want from a neighborhood, and easy access to everything else. It would even make commuter rail more possible for me in my present employment situation. Until Saturday morning Oak Park was at the top of my list, even with it’s drawbacks (Not in the city, ridiculous taxes, oddball village politics) but our fateful visit opened my mind and my heart to the place that I would really love to call my home. So, after much jibber-jabber about it (some of it alcohol-fueled) we have started to research housing options (and by “we” I mean “DCC” because in my world, “research” usually consists of pointing at shiny things, clapping and giggling) Usually when we get a bug this big up our asses, we make things happen, so hopefully sooner than later we’ll be living the life we want to (Something we’ve both been diligently working on) in the place we want to live it.
Hopefully that place has a fucking dishwasher.

Jibber-jabber time is over. You may go now.

Mounday Shouffle Moude:

“Los Angeles, I’m Yours” – The Decemberists
“On The Last Ride In” – Pinetop Seven
“I Guess I Get It” – Kay Hanley
“Pressed Against The Sky” – The Toadies
“Goodbye To You” – Scandal
“Fully Alive” – Flyleaf
“Lunatic Fringe” – Red Rider
“Lullaby Lucky” – Kay Hanley
“Ruby Tuesday” – The Rolling Stones
“Beautiful Change” – Innocence Mission
“Half Life” – Local H
“10” – Madhouse
“Street of Dreams” – Rainbow

Mo' GOT Pix (and/or) My Next Mid-Life Crisis Will Involve A Car

These days, losing ground control
These days, down the rabbit hole
I try to catch a piece of sky
But I fly too low
Still I never want to lose
The days of wine and booze

Here are some shots (Thanks to CMD) from the Spectrum (minus one) reunion last weekend:

I love that sweater I’m wearing, but WTF is up with my hair? It looks like someone used my head to mop the floor with Crisco.Yes, I’m wearing slippers, fuck off.Roo was having the time of his life. Normally, once the amps are turned up and the drums are bangin’, he’ll usually be howling and barking and raising all kinds of hell, but not this time. I think he really felt like one of the guys.More cowbell was mandatory
It was so god damn fun, and it actually didn’t sound too bad, but I don’t think I’ll be sharing the audio with you savages because most of you don’t give a fuck anyways. I reserve the right to change my mind if I get bored, apathetic, or enthusiastic enough.

Each night, might procrastinate
Every night, I can’t hardly wait
I know once the feeling flows
It’s a long hard way
Still I never want to lose
The days of wine and booze

Who will hold you when you’re falling?
Who will pick up when you call in?

I had a pretty low key B-Day, we will actually be celebrating tomorrow since cake day was on a work night, and DCC unexpectedly had to go out of town for work anyways. She made sure I got my present the day before. Witness…

Q: Does the jersey make me look fat?
A: No, but the extra 25 pounds does.

DCC leaves for China next week. I get to be a wanton bachelor for, like, ten days, which sounds much sexier than it actually is. All I really do when she is gone is watch too much hockey, football and eat like a fucking pig. My days of hookers, coke and exotic diseases are long gone, but yanno, maybe, just maybe while she's gone I'll test drive a Corvette...

One day, if I’m old or dead
One day, can’t get out of bed
I hope and pray the night before
We were out of our heads
Cause I never want to lose
The days of wine and booze

“The Days of Wine and Booze” – The Minus 5

The Goblin Baby Gets His RAWK On (With a little help from Uncle Chris*)

You heard that we were great
Now you know we’re lame
Since you saw the show last night
You thought that we would rock
Knock it up a notch
Rockin’ was nowhere in sight..

“All The Kids Are Right” – Local H

I have to admit that it brought a little tear of joy to my eye to see this picture. I mean, the KISS T-Shirt is one thing, but the Gene Simmons impression just knocks it out of the park. You go with your bad self, Goblin Baby. Keep rockin’!

…..
…..
….
…

On a completely unrelated note, here is a sample conversation between myself, my boss and one of my co-workers (Who happens to be Russian, so mentally insert your finest “Natasha” accent when reading)

Me: The phone only rings when I’m taking a nap.

Co-worker: Why don’t you turn off your phone when you sleep?

Me: (Shrug)

My Boss (To her): Well, why don’t you turn off your phone when you’re at work?

Co-Worker: Because I am not sleeping at work.

This is the same lady who use the old Russian proverb “The circus has left, but the clowns stayed behind” to describe our workplace.

Okay, all done. Bye.

* I'm not really his uncle, I just like to say that I am.

GOT 2009 (At A Medium Pace)

And if I stumble
And if I stall
And If I slip now
And lose it all
And if I can’t be all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me?

“Wait” - Alexei Murdoch

Once again, this year’s Guys Only Trip was a smashing success. A little busier than I would have preferred, but there was still plenty of hanging out scratching our balls time, so it all worked out. In fact, on day one, every time we attempted to embark on an activity, we were thwarted in one way or another. Who would have thought that paintball would be closed during the day on a Friday? Or that the pin-setters at Southport Lanes wouldn’t be there until 6pm?? Not I! So alas, we had to wait until the next day to get shot in the junk with paintballs, and instead of bowling, we ate a nice lunch and hung around shooting some stick instead.
Later on, we went to dinner at Giordano’s because the boys wanted Chicago Style Pizza, and when it comes to my bud’s only the (Second or third) finest (Chain restaurant) Pizza will do. Then on to the Annoyance Theater’s production of “Co-Ed Prison Sluts: The Musical” which seemed to mistake “Smug” for “Funny” and “Over the top” for “Edgy and/or Creative” and in other words was so full of itself that it was nearly unwatchable.We had some time to kill before the show started and ended up at The Wild Pug, which looked like a cute English Pub from the outside, but from the inside quickly revealed itself to be a complete sausage fest. Yes, I inadvertently took my friends to a gay bar, but hey, they poured a nice black and tan, and it was kind of fun to watch a couple of my less metrosexual amigos squirm a little bit. (Queue “Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor”)
Next day we were off to bum fuck Illinois to shoot each other in the nuts with paintballs. Turns out we are all pretty lousy at it, and we were the shootees more often than the shooters. We also learned that those things fucking sting. I’ve got a couple of welts to remind me of the good times we had getting pelted with paintballs. It wasn’t until we were at Arby’s later that I realized two things

1) That I’d taken a shot in the head that was making my hair stand up like Cameron Diaz’s jizz gelled hair in “There’s Something About Mary”

2) That my jeans had split down the back. A fact that appeared to be noticed by a group of women who were checking out the junk in my trunk while chowing down on roast beef sandwiches, if their laughter was any indication

That night, we watched the Hawks lose (God damn you, Christobal Huet!) and played cards/drank/ate (My awesome homemade) chicken wings well into the night.

Finally, on Sunday before everyone departed, was the moment that everybody (Nobody) was (dreading) waiting for. The Spectrum (We’re getting’ the band back together!) reunion. We all manned our posts (With CMD serving as videographer) and banged out “Geek Stink Breath”, “Surrender” and “I Walk Around With My Pants Down”…We didn’t sound too shabby considering some of us hadn’t even played an instrument in years and none of us had played together, let alone practiced in 25 years. All of this was captured on audio and video and may or may not make its way to these pages in the future. SG brought it all home with a moving version of “At a Medium Pace” (Guest appearance by BT’s hand) ....and then, sadly, it was time for everyone to go (Pause to make frowny face)

Big Poppa Roogie the Cheese Eating Beagle was not at all happy to see everyone leave. Apparently he liked being one of the guys, and he’s already lobbying for an invite to GOT 2010. Who knows? Maybe the fellas will invite him in my place. He’s more fun and much better looking (Plus dogs are chick magnets)

I am glad that my friends find my house and my hometown to be hospitable enough to host these annual events, and I am always sad to see them go. I am, however, looking forward to a restful, easygoing weekend with my wife and my fat smelly dog. Hopefully we will go out for a nice birthday dinner and spend the rest of the time catching up on our rest.

So, to recap:

My friends rock.
My wife rocks (She left town for the weekend so we could have the house all to ourselves, how considerate!)

My dog rocks (When he’s not pissing on everything).
Chicago rocks.
My old band kind of rocks.
Turning 42 does not rock all that much. Lucky for me, 42 is the new 32 and since I was acting like I was 23 when I was 32, it's all a wash.

I left my iPod in the car and can’t for the life of me remember what the hell I listened to this morning. No first five for you!

That is all I have to say today. You may go now.

How Do You Spell Fun? Gee-Oh-Tee…

What about this thing that you made
What if it weren’t quite perfect?
What if there was something bad about it?
Would you love it just the same?
Would you still care about it?

The lights on the city look so good
Almost like somebody thought they would

“Lights” – Victoria Williams

The annual Guys Only Trip is upon us once again, and for the third time in 4 years, I will be hosting the hordes as they descend upon my little home in Chicago. Nothing brings me more joy and nothing stresses me out more than playing host. I went out and bought more food and beverage than these guys will ever eat or drink, when all I really needed to buy was 120 beers and 5 bags of potato chips, but hey, I gotta be prepared anyways. And you never know, they might have a hankering for prosciutto wrapped smoky links in a beer-brie sauce, or a veggie frittata between games of Halo2.
Maybe.
I dunno.
A nice lady with a lot of letters after her name is trying to help me not be a complete spaz all of the time (With varying results)
I think it might be hopeless.

Anyhoo.

Friends.
Coming.
Visit.
Chris.
Happy.

I’m so excited that I kicked my dog in the face*, and he got up on his hind legs and started wailing on an electric guitar (True story)

Five songs I listened to today:

“Whole Wide World” – Wreckless Eric
“Thirsty” – Pluto (You’re right Brandon, it rocks)
“Geek Stink Breath” – Green Day (I hate hate hate this song, but have to learn it, as most of the guys coming to town were also my bandmates in Spectrum and hence a reunion of sorts is occurring sans the keyboard player everybody hated anyways. This song made the short list of tunes to do. I had nothing to do with it)
“Surrender” – Cheap Trick (Also on the reunion song list, and I’m re-acquainting myself with it)
“The Whole of the Law” – The 1900s (This is not on the reunion song list)

* No beagles were harmed in the making of this blog post.

Because You Deserve The Very Best…Here’s A Rerun For Ya

Because its October, and see, the song? Is called October. So you can listen to October…IN OCTOBER!!! (gasp!) Dun dun dunnnnn!!!!

Savages.

My Dog Is Slightly Less Fat, Huzzah!!

Don’t be shocked that people die
Be surprised you’re still alive

“Cassie” - Flyleaf

Talk about a busy fucking day. Yesterday I had to drop The Hindenbeagle off at the vet because he has somehow managed to get a low-grade yeast infection in both of his ears. What a fucking overachiever. Here is a shot of him all happy that he’s going for a car ride (Note the awesome brick houses of Logan Blvd in the background):

This euphoria wouldn’t wear off until he was in the examining room and was, like “Hey, wait a sec!! You tricked me!” Sadly, I had to leave before the real sideshow (read: meltdown) started., for I had to be off to work, and then after work it was off to the dentist for hugs from lovely Katie and even lovelier Ursula (oh yeah, and I got my teeth cleaned between hugs) then back to the vet again to pick Fat Boy up. Why does it take an entire day for a vet visit, you ask? Because Roo is a spazmatronic bitey machine when strangers try to handle/examine him, so for even the simplest treatment, he has to be sedated completely. It really shouldn’t be that difficult, he loves the staff there & is all kissy and slobbery with them until they stick a thermometer in his butt, then fuggetaboutit. We did get some good news though, apparently Mr. Tub has lost four pounds, so I guess cutting French fries from his diet is helping.

Anyways, short story long, yesterday was a long day, and clearly I don’t have anything better to write about. Or maybe I do have better things to write about, and it's just not cool to share them with you savages.

You probably won’t see much new music anytime soon either, because I think I am pretty much tapped for now, and don’t really feel like doing it anymore (Until I do) So there you have it. Maybe Brandon will chime in with some thoughts on Billy Squier or Sterling Heights or something. Then again, maybe he won't.

This concludes the talky word part of this blog post. You may go now.

Today’s bitey Shuffle Mode:

“Fly” – Sugar Ray
“Time After Time” – REM
“Somewhere Down The Barrel” – The Dissociatives
“Head Over Heels” – The Go-Gos
“A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall” – Edie Brickell & New Bohemians
“You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison” – My Chemical Romance (UGH. SKIP. MUST REMEMBER TO REMOVE MCR FROM I-POD)
“Mad About You” – Belinda Carlisle
“Dancing With The Women At The Bar (Live at Austin City Limits)” – Whiskeytown
“Chain Gang” – Otis Redding
“Oh Daddy” – Adrian Belew
“Electric Avenue” – Eddie Grant
“16 Days” - Whiskeytown

Grist For The Mill

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile?
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life’s mystery seems so faded
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else could know
But here I am just drowning in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train
And everything seems cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I
Just don’t believe it

“Runaway Train” – Soul Asylum

The fact that readership of this blog is in the low double digits is laughable. Almost as laughable? The fact that more of my enemies read this blog than friends. That might be a good thing if you’re blogging about politics, but not so much if you’re blogging about music (And/or geese)
Part of me sees this as a zero-sum equation. I mean, what’s the point of doing it if all it does is feed the worst elements of your life, while reaching very little of the best? Why should I give these people any access whatsoever? Because fuck them, that’s why. I’d rather kick a basket full of kittens off the Sears Tower* than let the people I despise dictate what I do or don’t do.
I do not say this lightly either, because I really like kittens.

So, to recap: Fuck them.

I made pulled pork this weekend. It was good.

Shuffle Mode du jour

“Viva Las Vegas” – Shawn Colvin
“It’s Over and Done With” – The Proclaimers
“8” – Sunny Day Real Estate
“Killer of the One” – Good Night, States
“Runaway Train” – Soul Asylum
“Sundays” – Lucinda Williams
“Stars and Sons” – Broken Social Scene
“I Will Wait” – Hootie and the Blowfish (I love this song. I love Hootie and the Blowfish. If you don’t like Hootie and the Blowfish, I will fucking fight you.)
“September” – Earth, Wind & Fire
“Sleepyhead” – Deconstruction
“Long Time Gone” – Gin Blossoms
“Tightrope” – Stevie Ray Vaughn
“Sign O’ The Times” – Prince
“In My Dreams” -Dokken (Sweet!)

* Technically the Willis Tower now.

Word - To Nigel Soladu

The Bed We've Made

When I wasn’t busy making a complete and utter mess of my life this weekend, I managed to (finally) record this demo of “The Bed We’ve Made” I wrote this quite a while ago (2001? 2002?) and recorded an acoustic demo, which didn’t really capture the essence of the song the way I was hearing it in my head. My attempts to get my band, Fuzzy Stone, to do the song were for naught (The odd cadence made our mediocre drummer nervous, and besides, they didn't like it) So finally, at last, I have recorded a version with all (or most of, anyways) the instrumentation I was hearing in my noggin when I wrote it.

Download “THE BED WE’VE MADE” HERE

It doesn’t matter what I say 

I’m still lying in the bed that we both made 

Oh the years have tried so hard to teach me 

And you try so hard but you cannot reach me   

It’s not enough, to want somebody bad enough to 

It’s not enough, to want someone to feel like you do 

It’s not enough to give somebody everything but 

When it’s all you’ve got, you’ll believe in almost anything   

It doesn’t matter what I say 

I’m still lying in the bed that we both made 

Oh the years have tried so hard to teach me 

And you try so hard but you cannot reach me 

It doesn’t matter what I say, 

I’m still lying in the bed that we both made 

Lying in the bed that we both made   

And so its done, no one ever has to know about us 

And I’m the only one, who has to learn to live without us 

It’s not enough, to know we made the right decision 

‘cause what was best for us, was always a difference in our opinion   

It doesn’t matter what I say 

I’m still lying in the bed that we both made 

In the corner of the life you left me 

Where even I can not accept me 

It doesn’t matter what I say 

I’m still lying in the bed that we both made 

Lying in the bed that we both made   

And man, do I feel born again 

When I see you with your new boyfriend   

When we were young, we thought that love would last forever 

When we were young, we believed we’d always be together 

It’s not enough, for one to win, and one to lose 

‘cause this was not the ending that either one would ever choose   

It doesn’t matter what I say 

I’m still lying in the bed that we both made 

All alone at night in my confusion 

On the day that should be our reunion 

It doesn’t matter what I say 

I’m still lying in the bed that we both made 

Lying in the bed that we both made 

Lying in the bed that we both made 

Lying in the bed that we both made

Never Say Never Coming Back To California Because, Really? I Would Go Back In A Heartbeat…I Guess That Makes The Song Title All Ironic and Shit

You said “Come to California,
Where the weather's fine!”
You said “Come to California!”
But you were never mine.

My Detroit weekend was a smashing success of fun, excitement and overindulgence in such food items as Nona’s Pizza, hot dogs and other saugage type food items at the ballpark, and the frighteningly unpronounceable (Yet highly edible) Smalec Ze Swareczkami at Polonia Restaurant. Despite all of the eating out and overall grab-assery, BT and I found time to finalize our mix/edit of “Never Coming Back To California” (Sweet!) and work out a track listing/order for our as yet untitled CD (Double sweet!) and we have come to the conclusion that we are close, but there is still much to do, so you savages will have to wait a while longer to experience the white-hot slab of Rock that we are cooking up for you. Since we are not entirely unsympathetic to your Rock deprivation, I am putting a working mix of NCB2C here for your enjoyment. Is it the definitive mix? Fuck no, you’ll have to pay for that, and then only when we’re good and ready. In the meantime, here is something to whet your appetite.

Ladies and gentlemen please, put your hands together for the Good Leads...

Artwork courtesy of Bruce Gerlach of Tattooed Sky

Download NEVER COMING BACK TO CALIFORNIA HERE

Wasn’t far to fall from grace
And I fell flat on my face
Now I’m never coming back to California…

I had a playlist that combined my hospital “space out” music and my “dinner” playlist combined today, for a somewhat mellow, laconic commute in this morning. Sleepy shuffle time:

“Fall Apart Today” – Schuyler Fisk
“Always” – Peter Bradley Adams
“Yellowcake” – Kaki King
“Wavy Gravy” – Kenny Burrell (This song, and all Kenny Burrell songs are saxophone hate exempt)
“Dance All Night’ – Ryan Adams
“When I Say Go” – The 1900s
“Blame It On Me” – Mike Elgert
“Baby’s On Fire” – Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack
“Georgia” – The 1900s
“Madagascar” – Guns N’ Roses
“Fields of Gold” – Sting
“I Had A Love” – Blue Angel
“Stay Now” – Jem (This song is coming up too much lately, skip)
“Run” – Kathleen Edwards
“Firesuite” – Doves
“Braindead” – Red Red Meat
“Offline” – 1969
“Whole of the Law” – The 1900s
“Endgame” – REM

Oh REO, Lets Never Fight Again

Going through all the changes
I made so many mistakes
Trying to leave behind the heartache
And sometimes I think I was a little bit crazy
(But we all get a little bit crazy)
Whoa, I keep pushin’ on

“Keep Pushin” – REO Speedwagon

It is not unusual for me to receive a picture message from Brandon like this:With the message :“You’ve been instructed to Keep Pushin’ On”
That is because Brandon is my Rock & Roll conscience.
I got interested in Rock & Roll and playing guitar at pretty much the same time. While other rockin’ guitar playing kids were idolizing Eddie Van Halen, Jimmy Page and Randy Rhoades, I was idolizing Charlotte Caffey, Prince and Gary Richrath. Why? Because I was a social retard, for one thing. You’d be surprised what you’ll gravitate towards when the influence of the herd is removed. I came to appreciate Eddie, Jimmy and Randy much later in life, and in the meantime, I’m sure they were fine without the adulation of one kid out of millions. Besides, Charlotte Caffey was a lot nicer to look at (Rrrawr!!)
To this day, you still don’t hear guitarists talk about how awesome Gary Richrath was, and that’s a god damned shame. The guy was a god, I tell you, a god, and while I couldn’t play an REO song for you note-for-note today, you can definitely hear his influence on my playing. Gary was loud, fast, sloppy and flashy. He was a wanker and a hack, and every time I play a guitar solo, I am unleashing the Gary within. Broken strings and all.
Now, considering this level of hero worship, you’d think that REO would be top of the list on my Blogger profile. You’d think at the very least they would be on the list somewhere.
But until today they were not.
How did this egregious oversight happen? And how did it get corrected? An old friend from my childhood stumbled upon my blog and contacted me. It was nice to hear from her. She asked me what was up with REO not being mentioned on my blog profile, and I was like “Whaa??” but she was right. Somehow or another, I let them fall through the cracks of my hero worship and go unrecognized for their importance of my life. How could I let that happen? I am a space cadet! I am so sorry REO, let me make it up to you. Come on, don’t be like that, I bought you flowers….

So, thank you Professor Val for pointing out my oversight, and allowing the rest of the world to see my REO freak flag fly.

My All-Time Top-Ten Favorite REO Speedwagon Songs:

“Keep The Fire Burnin’”
“Back on the Road Again”
“Time For Me To Fly”
“(Only A) Summer Love”
“Don’t Let Him Go”
“Keep Pushin’”
“Son of a Poor Man”
“Golden Country”
“Breakaway”
“Meet Me on the Mountain”

Another post might be in order soon, explaining why Brandon would send me this picture:

With the message “OBEY!”

Then again, maybe not.

Is This Thing Plugged In?

Did you fall like a hangover hung out to dry?
Was there ever a point where you needed to lie?
‘cause you couldn’t tell the truth or even look in the eye
Of your love as it slipped away

“Am I Still On” – 1969

Sweet Jesus, I am so glad that this is going to be a short week for me. I need to get the hell out of town and out of my own god damn head. I also need to spend some time with my two best friends, something I haven’t been able to do for awhile without interference from the responsibilities of (literally and figuratively) putting my dead father into the ground. To say the last few weeks have been craptacular would be an understatement. How about shit-tastic? Eh, whatever. Suffice to say it was all downhill from the hospital odyssey on,. I mean, I can’t even get excited about the good things these days because I am an emotionally disconnected chodin. There is only one cure for this. Well, three, really. Beer, Nona’s Pizza, and my boys BT and CMD.
Needless to say, I am counting the minutes.

Cans I Has Moar Shoffle Moude Pleeze?

“Waves That Never Break” – The Like
“Dream Catch Me” – Newton Faulkner
“Ribbon in the Sky” – Stevie Wonder
“Be Still” – Kelly Clarkson
“Fall Apart Today” – Schuyler Fisk
“Leave Me Alone” – Trashcan Sinatras
“Scared At Night” – Kathleen Edwards
“Stay Now” – Jem
“Muddy Water” – Eddi Reader
“Summer Scarves” – Butch Walker
“Chewing Gum” – Jeremy Enigk
“Heaven’s Falling” – Cheap Trick
“Realize” – Colbie Caillat
“Anesthesia” – Luna
“Black Star” – Radiohead