Every relationship has its give and take
and all I did was take from your love
So now its time for me to be the person I'm supposed to be
A shining new reflection of your love
"A New Reflection" - Pomeroy
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| Pomeroy - and the full membership roster of the Pomeroy Fan Club |
I lost a bet and I have to pay up. Paying up means purchasing and listening to Pomeroy's "A New Reflection" and reviewing it here. It took me a week to get through three listens because, hey, I'm a busy guy and also, the music of Pomeroy is painfully bad.
Let's get this over with.
1)
A New Reflection - The opening song isn't even a song really, it's a mishmash of riffs and samples and essentially the same stupid crap lyrics over and over again. Alternating between singing and rapping and chanting and rap/singing and
ohmygodIhateyouforthisBrandon. The point of the song is the dude was a selfish dick and now he's really sorry and going to make it up to you baby, he promises. The fact that they chose this tedious drivel as the title song for their CD says a lot about this band: Either they're rebels who play by their own rules or they're marketing idiots. Based on their worldwide success, I will let you decide which.
2)
I Believe - Well, at least it sounds like a song with a verse and a chorus and everything. There's even a decent guitar solo in here and then...oh no! The shouty "rapper" of the group ruins it completely. Not only does this idiot spew the most banal "rhymes" you can imagine, he has the same cadence and delivery as Brian Austin Green. I'm not kidding. If it wasn't an egregious violation of copyright law I would do a mash-up of BAG vs. Pomeroy. Fuck it, I might do it anyways for kicks, but for now, believe me, this is as painful as anything David Silver ever spewed out in his 90210 days.
Way to ruin the song, you inconsiderate wigger.
3)
Beautiful Design - Well, alrighty, another verse, chorus, verse thingy, this is an improvement. The chorus is supposed to be sing along-ish. Go on, I dare you. No one will punch you in the dick. I promise.
Oh no, here comes shouty rap dude again. Oh Pomeroy, you almost had me tapping my toes. Almost.
Oh, here's my favorite part: The part where it ends!
4)
Motionless - Starts out with a tinkly piano, I think they're trying to channel Jim Steinman with the intro, but here comes the funk, complete with a chorus of "Whoa-oh"s to counter the "funky" guitar riff.
Okay I think this is the chorus because everyone is in the band singing it at once, otherwise you'd never know. Shouty rap dude jumps in with some lyrical gems and now I am plotting Brandon's slow, painful death in my head. It's one thing to win a bet, it's another to be a sore winner. This was just mean, and I'm not even half finished.
5)
This Is It - Uh oh, David Silver is back and he doesn't even wait until the chorus to stink up the joint. Awesome. I dare you to listen to Brian Austin Green's "One Stop Carnival" and this CD on shuffle and JUST
TRY TO TELL THEM APART, because you can't.
6)
The Beat Goes On - I Queue this up with much anticipation because this is their "hit" single. I was hoping it would be a Sonny and Cher cover, but alas it wasn't meant to be. Brian Austin Green starts out with a more subdued (but no less obnoxious) intro. I think he's trying to do a shouty whisper, and that makes about as much sense as it sounds. The verbal acrobatics are...underwhelming. And it's very considerate of them to remind me that the beat goes on (and on and on) in the off chance I might forget the title of this song. I fully intend to delete this garbage from my iPod, but that might not be enough. I might have to drive a stake through it's control wheel, sprinkle holy water on it and burn it.
7)
Maybe Alive - The band sings, the shouty guy raps back what they just sang, they sing something else, he raps it back. Okay, wait, there might be a chorus in there somewhere because they've repeated the song title a few times. I don't know, what do I look like, a Pomeroyologist?
8)
Like a Saturday Night - These guys really really miss the 90's.
A lot.
I can say one good thing about this song, I haven't heard shouty guy pop up on it yet.
Aw shit, I spoke too soon, he arrives before the song ends to get his nasty Brian Austin Green-iness all over it. Oh, the stank!
9)
A Normal Life - This song actually strays from their 90's funk/rock formula. That doesn't mean it's good, but it does mean it's less bad. It actually reminds me of that John Mayer song about running through the halls of his high school, whateverthefuck it was called. There's even some harmonized guitars in there. I wonder if shouty guy was out getting a sandwich when they recorded this because so far, its their least offensive song.
10)
Billy The Id - Haha! See, it's a play on "Billy The Kid" but the bad guy is all in his mind, get it? It's a symbolic gunfight between he and himself, but wait, it's not revealed that the real enemy is within until later in the song (Or until you read the song's title!) CLEVER! This is pretty much 3 minutes of shouty guy. The music itself is "A New Reflection" of an old-western soundtrack (Like how I did that? See, "A New Reflection" is THE NAME OF THE CD! GET IT? I LIKE WORDS!! :) :))
11)
Chain Reaction - More 90's blah blah blah. You know what? This song wouldn't be so bad if I was in a bar (in 1998) and wasn't actually listening to the music in the background, just bobbing my head and watching girls dance, but you know what ? I'm not in a bar and it's not 1998, and I'm so tired of listening to this crap that it's making me grouchy.
When I won this bet the first time, the CD
I made Brandon review had five fucking songs on it. This one? Eleven? God damn, it felt like twenty.
A man can only take so much, let's wrap this bitch up, shall we?
So, to sum up this review: If Hoobastank and Linkin Park made sweet love to Jamiroquai and Brian Austin Green and had a bastard love child, that bastard child would be Pomeroy.
To sum up my feelings about Pomeroy: Fuck Pomeroy (And you're welcome)
Let us never speak of this again.
